


The Perks and Pitfalls of Verbal Affirmation

by If_ICouldWrite



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Anxiety, Autistic Ushijima Wakatoshi, Eating Disorders, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Health Counselling, Mental Health Issues, Overthinking, Queerplatonic Relationships, aspec characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 16:43:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28852260
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/If_ICouldWrite/pseuds/If_ICouldWrite
Summary: „Wakatoshi hadn't once led up in his thoughtful gestures, always looking out for Satori. He packed extra snacks, lend him an unfathomable amount of pens because Satori always misplaced his, started carrying an umbrella after that one time Satori was caught in a sudden rain shower and looked like a drowned cat for the rest of the day, and he never ever asked for the jumpers back that Satori frequently and reverently 'borrowed' from him. Satori knew he was lucky. The luckiest person in all of Miyagi probably. And yet, he failed to stop the thoughts from coming.“When Satori struggles with his anxious thinking, Wakatoshi recognizes the need to improve his verbal communication.
Relationships: Tendou Satori & Ushijima Wakatoshi, Tendou Satori/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 8
Kudos: 69





	The Perks and Pitfalls of Verbal Affirmation

**Author's Note:**

> Check end notes for content warnings!

„Do you not want it?“  
Satori registered the deep voice of his boyfriend before he saw the bento box with cut up fruit in front of him.  
„Huh?“  
Wakatoshi gave the bento a little shake. „I can pack it up for later if you'd like. But I noticed you didn't eat much at breakfast this morning,“ he said.  
Right. This was Wakatoshi taking care of him by offering cut up fruit before practice. It was sweet, really. Satori smiled, took an apple slice and remembered to give a „Thank you“ to Wakatoshi, who nodded, satisfied. But in Satori's head the thoughts were chasing each other again.

XXX

Wakatoshi and him had entered into a queerplatonic relationship a few months back and Satori could not have been happier about the development. Wakatoshi never seemed to feel the need for romance, but he had taken to their relationship with no less dedication and care than he offered to his volleyball career and his plants. Satori had been a little surprised even, how seriously the other took to their relationship.

Sure, Wakatoshi wasn't a man of many words, and he disliked touching each other in more than a friendly way when they weren't alone.. but Satori didn't mind. He was not the greatest fan of PDA himself. Actually, he felt quite relieved in the knowledge that their relationship remained unknown outside the volleyball club and therefore would not run through the Shiratorizawa gossip mill. And he certainly had enough words for both of them. Satori hadn't yet met a silence that he couldn't fill. And sometimes in the privacy of his room, in the comforting presence of his boyfriend and the knowledge of Wakatoshi's feelings, silence became bearable even to him. Better yet, peaceful. Those were Satori's favourite moments with Wakatoshi. Being able to lay still in his arms and listen to his heartbeat. Strong and reliable as ever.  
  
But he must admit it had been a while since they could make time for a quiet evening in. The school year was coming to an end and exam period approached rapidly. With the added homework and doubled tutoring sessions, plus volleyball practice that neither of them wanted to neglect although the season was technically over. Satori was no less at fault that they hadn't made a lot of time for each other than Wakatoshi, and he knew theoretically that in a few weeks the stress would lead up and they could enjoy their break together. Satori even made a few tentative plans for day trips that Wakatoshi had readily agreed to.

So Satori really didn't have a reason to feel as bumped out as he did. Wakatoshi certainly wasn't whining about missing him or prompting him to feel guilty for concentrating on other things. And he wouldn't either. Wakatoshi deserved as much. And much more, to be perfectly honest. His boyfriend hadn't once led up in his thoughtful gestures, always looking out for Satori. He packed extra snacks, lend him an unfathomable amount of pens because Satori always misplaced his, Wakatoshi started carrying an umbrella after that one time Satori was caught in a sudden rain shower and looked like a drowned cat for the rest of the day, and he never ever asked for the jumpers back that Satori frequently and reverently 'borrowed' from him. Satori knew he was lucky. The luckiest person in all of Miyagi probably. And yet, he failed to stop the thoughts from coming.

Why did Wakatoshi pack that bento? Was he getting annoyed at Satori's less than regular eating habits? Was Wakatoshi worried about Satori slacking off during practice? Did he wish to prevent Satori from casually snacking off of his own lunch, as he liked to do? Did Wakatoshi silently hope for Satori to take a hint and pack his own snacks in the future?

Thankfully, Satori wasn't allowed to stew in these thoughts for too long as Goshiki entered the clubroom, sporting a new haircut and the team promptly started a ruckus. Satori couldn't possibly NOT weigh in on his kouhai's super cool bowl cut, and he did feel better after having eaten some fruit, so he wrote his doubts off as negative thinking. After all, Wakatoshi would tell him if something was the matter.  
  


XXX

  
 _Maybe_ Wakatoshi would _not_ tell him if something was the matter.

Satori had finally carved out an evening free of responsibilities by determinedly putting his foot down and forbidding himself from studying, training, working or stressing for ONE evening. It could only help his productivity in the long run, right? Wakatoshi had agreed with this reasoning when Satori had told him of his plan. But he didn't seem to want to join Satori in his - as he stressed dramatically - ONLY evening off for PROBABLY the rest of the school year.  
Wakatoshi remained unaffected.  
Satori took a couple of deep breaths. He knew. He knew well how his boyfriend struggled with underlying meanings and unspoken questions. It wasn't fair of Satori to try and hint at his meaning, he needed to communicate his wishes more clearly. And it was stupid to hesitate when Wakatoshi wasn't one to ever deny him anything.  
„Toshi-kun would you like to join me tonight? I think I could even get Semi out of the room for a couple of hours,“ Satori gave his best cat-like grin, showing off his dimples.  
Wakatoshi looked at him unimpressed. „Sorry. I am scheduled to run 10 miles that night and I have not yet finished my homework.“  
„That's alright, Wakatoshi-kun.“  
Satori tried very hard not to let his face fall, but something must have given his real feelings on the matter away, because his boyfriend's brows furrowed.  
„I can show you my training plan if you'd like,“ Wakatoshi offered. That startled a laugh out of Satori. He didn't need to see the plan, he knew Wakatoshi would never lie. Maybe Satori wanted Wakatoshi to ask him to relay his free evening to a day when they both can take time off. Or to show his frustration with their schedules, or his impatience with their situation, or say something..  
Satori didn't really know what he wanted from Wakatoshi, so it was quite unfair of him to expect Wakatoshi to know what he wanted.  
„It will be good for me,“ he repeated firmly. „I can catch up on all my manga, maybe I'll even read some advertisements for you!“ He winked and gave Wakatoshi a somewhat less bitter smile. The other seemed placated.  
„Do you want me to pack you some of that lunch for later?“ Wakatoshi asked and suddenly Satori remembered that they were in the canteen and he hadn't yet managed to take a bite. He looked down at his food, but it didn't look appealing to him at all. Wakatoshi had already finished with his lunch – When did that happen? Was Wakatoshi waiting for him to be done this entire time?  
Satori felt fatigue creep up on him again. „I still have some onigiri in my locker, I'll just eat those later.“  
Wakatoshi nodded.

XXX

When his free time finally came along, Satori wrapped himself in one of his boyfriend's hoodies, brewed himself the perfect cup of tea, surrounded himself with a variety of his favourite snacks and settled into bed with the latest issues of shonen jump. But he still couldn't relax.  
Semi wasn't in the room and the quiet was getting to Satori, making him feel antsy. He got his phone out to turn on some music and saw he had an 'enjoy your evening' text from Wakatoshi. Satori replied 'have fun on your run' and knew he wouldn't hear from the other again till the next day. Satori sighed.  
Wakatoshi would want him to relax. To make the most out of his time. But suddenly he didn't feel like having a cosy night in at all. Satori briefly contemplated getting up and joining Semi in the library. If his evening was ruined anyway, he could maybe get some studying done. But he quickly discarded the thought.. He had no idea how to explain to his friend that he'd rather study than be alone with his thoughts. Also, getting up, changing into some acceptable clothes, gathering his notes and books and getting out of the dorm seemed like a lot of effort. Satori wasn't sure if he could bring himself to leave the bed right now.

Satori felt tears prickle in his eyes and clenched his jaw hard to keep himself from crying. He was pathetic. He made these plans specifically to not feel unhappy and stressed out anymore and now he only felt like crying?  
The last time he had these dangerous dips in mood was before Shiratorizawa – when he couldn't bring himself to eat for days at a time, sharing with no one how he really felt, instead hiding his whole personality behind an act. But Satori wasn't that person anymore. He got so much better. He knew how to keep his body healthy, he was allowed to play volleyball, he had his lovely teammates who accepted him as one of them, he had Semi who would offer to beat up anyone who looked at him funny, and of course Wakatoshi. His wonderful goofball of a boyfriend, who was strong when he was soft and silent when he was loud and stoic when he was fickle. Wakatoshi who somehow didn't see the appeal in sex either, who craved just as him a partner in life.

But what if that was all in Satori's head? What if he wasn't holding up his side of the arrangement? What if Wakatoshi grew tired of him?  
Well, there was no chance of stopping the tears from flowing now.

XXX

The next day Satori woke up with a much clearer head. His eyes were a little bloodshot, and he had fallen asleep without removing any of the candy from his bed, resulting in him having to wash chocolate out of his hair.. but he had a plan.

Satori went to the library before his first class, opened his laptop with a calm he hadn't felt in a long time and booked himself an appointment with their school's mental health services. He got an answer within minutes, offering him an appointment with a counsellor for the next week. He accepted. This could not substitute for therapy, but they could discuss what kind of help he might want to seek out moving forward. Satori felt lucky. Yes, his heart belonged to their school's volleyball club and the cheerleading squad and the horses and the huge library, but the truly underrated service provided for students of the private Academy of Shiratorizawa was the mental health program. The elite students were put under a lot of pressure, but there was help available if it became too much.

Next, Satori downloaded a new notepad app onto his phone and started an eating habits tally. He had used this method when he fought his way out of being underweight and thought it a reasonable precaution to get into it again. He wrote down the energy bar that he had fished out from under his pillow and ate on the way to the library this morning, and gave himself a little star emoji for the accomplishment. Satori knew he had to set his goals low, so for the rest of the day he strove for two more food intakes of any portion or kind, half a litre of liquids preferably not caffeinated, and one fruit or vegetable or alternatively a glass of the freshly pressed orange juice they offered at breakfast. This reminded him that he needed to leave soon if he wanted to catch Wakatoshi in the canteen before classes started, and Satori quickly packed up his things. He missed Wakatoshi so much. A hug from him would be exactly the right thing to chase the last of Satori's exhaustion away.

As it turned out, Satori couldn't sneak in a hug at breakfast because Wakatoshi was unusually late and seemed kind of preoccupied with his thoughts. He asked Satori about his night, but the conversation quickly dried out since Satori didn't really have anything to tell him. Satori never did come around to reading his manga and he didn't want to outright lie. So he vaguely said it was good to catch up on some sleep and Wakatoshi as always took him at his word.  
Satori was struck with the realization of how much he didn't share with Wakatoshi at the moment and felt a wave of anxiety catch up with him. He needed to rectify that. But first he was going to drink his orange juice. Baby steps.  
Soon Wakatoshi excused himself for his morning workout. Satoshi waved at him and took off for his first class. He gave himself a little flower emoji in his notepad.

XXX

Satori was cornered after practice that afternoon. He was puzzling over his half finished bottle of water and wondered if drinking from a straw would maybe help him – when his boyfriend had silently towered over him already dressed and packed up.  
„Satori, I would like to talk to you,“ Wakatoshi finally said in his most earnest voice and Satori blinked at him. Satori's emotional compass wasn't exactly pointing north at the moment, but he could tell regardless that this was a serious matter. Maybe Wakatoshi wants to break up, was his first and most panic inducing thought, but he quickly chided himself for it. Wakatoshi could have all matter of things to talk to him about. After all, they hadn't talked in so long.  
Satori nodded his consent and managed to buy himself a little time by taking another gulp of his water. Ha.  
Wakatoshi regarded him with endless patience.  
„When were you thinking?“ Satori asked when he found his voice.  
„Now. If you don't mind,“ came the reply and Satori nodded again. He couldn't really afford to skip homework two nights in a row, but he wouldn't be able to concentrate on anything beside his dread anyway.

Wakatoshi led him to his dorm which was thankfully empty and gestured towards his bed. Satori sat down on the edge a little awkwardly. Usually Satori found comfort here. They cuddled on this bed and read together and watched movies. The bedding was soft and smelled of Wakatoshi and Satori really, really didn't want to associate it with what was to come. He was lost in this train of thought until Wakatoshi sat down next to him, took his hand and waited for Satori to make eye contact before speaking:  
„I am worried about you.“

Satori spluttered and felt his cheeks heat up. A quick glance told him Wakatoshi was calmly waiting out his reaction. Wakatoshi's thumb was drawing slow circles onto his palm. Satori took a few deep breaths while nodding his head absent mindedly and looking anywhere but into those way too honest brown eyes. The effect that boy had on him. Seriously.  
„Why..? Why would you..? I mean is there something specific?“ Satori stammered, very unsure of what Wakatoshi had picked up on. Wakatoshi's eyebrow twitched. „You seemed stressed out for a long while now, and you were spacing out more often, I think. And then this morning, Semi told me he found you passed out in bed with tear streaks on your cheeks. He was very insistent that I talk to you about it. And you do not seem well rested, although you told me you caught up on sleep.“ Wakatoshi said, relaying the list without inflection, like something he had to learn by heart for a school assignment. But the movements of his thumb picked up and Satori squeezed his hand in response. Satori swallowed. This was it then. He had finally caused more trouble than he was worth.

„Toshi, I am so sorry.“ Satori gave Wakatoshi's hand another squeeze for emphasis and then released him to pace the room. It was either that or starting to pull on his own hair. It was way too quiet. Somehow Satori needed to release this awful feeling of something crawling right beneath his skin. Pacing was the safer option so he walked up and down the length of the bed, hugging himself and trying to blend out Wakatoshi's worried eyes following his every movement.  
„You are right, I have been doing worse lately,“ deep breath. „And last night was a sort of low point,“ he could do this. „I already made an appointment with the mental health counsellor. And I don't want you to worry – it's not as bad as it was before and.. I mean it has nothing to do with you. And you don't need to worry about the breakup. I can handle myself. And I have Semi and the team and we can stay friends, but you don't need to worry yourself about me anymore.“ That was it, right? That was what he wanted to say? Satori's head was a mess. He chanced a fleeting glance at Wakatoshi. The other boy was now kneading his own hands, looking more confused than anything.  
„What breakup?“ Wakatoshi asked.  
„Ehm. Our. I mean. We are. I,“ Satori didn't seem to be able to form coherent sentences anymore, he gestured between them.  
„Do you want to break up with me?“ Wakatoshi asked, his voice still betraying no emotion, but Satori thought he looked stricken. He could _not_ do this.  
„No!“ Satori's voice was too loud. He started grabbing at his hair. In an instance Wakatoshi stood in front of him, holding onto his wrists firmly.  
„Please don't hurt yourself,“ Wakatoshi said. Satori froze.  
Then, slowly, he shuffled closer and rested his head on Wakatoshi's shoulder. „Sorry,“ he mumbled.  
„What are you apologizing for?“ Wakatoshi asked.  
Satori tiredly shook his head.  
„We are not breaking up.“ Wakatoshi, bless him, sounded as firm and confident as ever and Satori believed him. He nodded and gently pulled his wrists free to be able to encircle Wakatoshi in a hug. He squeezed tightly and Wakatoshi returned the embrace. Satori let himself be finally, finally held.  
  


XXX

„But you will tell me why you thought we were breaking up,“ Wakatoshi continued after a moment and Satori let out something that was half laughter, half sniff.  
„Yes, Toshi-kun.“  
He took another moment for himself, pretending a world outside of the firm shoulder under his head and the defined biceps at the small of his back did not exist. Then he looked up at Wakatoshi who seemed to have calmed down as well.  
„Let's sit back down. And open a window, please,“ Satori asked. He didn't care for enclosed spaces and this dorm seemed too small for all his _feelings_.  
Wakatoshi complied and even switched on the old fashioned radio on his windowstill, too low a volume to really understand anything, but providing a nice background noise for Satori to find comfort in. Then Wakatoshi joined him on the bed, where Satori sat crossed legged, hugging a pillow to himself. Satori smiled sadly. „Toshi, when you do these things,“ he gestured to the window and the radio „don't you think it's too much?“ Satori could tell Wakatoshi wasn't following his line of thinking. „Like a chore, something you feel obligated to do,“ he explained.  
„No,“ came the simple answer, but Satori didn't feel satisfied.  
„It must be annoying,“ he needled.  
„It is not,“ said Wakatoshi.  
Satori sighed. Wasn't that the problem? „I find it really hard to believe that,“ Satori caught Wakatoshi's tiny frown and quickly added, „Sometimes! When it's bad. Then I am thinking, what if you feel pressured to go out of your way for me when we should be.. equal? Like, put equal effort in?“  
Wakatoshi thought about that for a while. „We are equal, Satori. And you do things to comfort me as well. I do hope those aren't chores to you.“  
„Of course not, you know it's not like that!“ Satori immediately protested.  
He relishes in learning Wakatoshi's micro expressions, he does gladly answer every single one of Wakatoshi's questions about people's behaviour – their movie nights more often than not commencing in Satori going over every character's motivations and incentives – he always supports Wakatoshi's own pace – be it slow for reading or breakneck speed in sports – he naturally fills Wakatoshi's silences, and he will always stand between Wakatoshi and anyone who doesn't understand that an expressionless face does not make you an unfeeling robot.  
„Why would it be different for me?“ Wakatoshi asked.  
„I know it's not. Logically. But I just can't help.. sometimes, I just ask myself.. like. Okay. So when you lend me a pen in class for the hundredth time, right? Has it never crossed your mind, that you wish for me to bring my own pen for once?“  
„No.“  
Satori wilted. This conversation didn't get them anywhere.  
„I like it.“  
What? He must have heard wrong.  
„I like how you smile when I give you a pen. You always look surprised. It's cute. I like how it makes me think about your smile when I pack my bag in the morning.“  
And suddenly Satori's face was on fire. Wakatoshi didn't break eye contact once, he spoke as calmly as if he was reporting the weather forecast. Satori couldn't look at him any longer, he buried his face in the pillow and let out a faint wail. „Wakatoooooshiii.. What. The actual. Fuck.“  
Wakatoshi cocked his head to the side, apparently amused by his reaction. „I would not lie,“ he stated calmly.  
„I knooooow! That makes it worse,“ Satori cried. This guy really was too much.  
„So you believe me?“ Wakatoshi asked. Satori couldn't gauke his mood without looking at him, so he just nodded along.  
„Maybe it will help if I tell you more often then.“ That got his attention.  
Satori re-emerged from the pillow and contemplated his boyfriend quizzically. Wakatoshi had perked up, his brows smoothed out evenly and his mouth no longer holding any tension. „What are you talking about?“ Satori asked.  
„If your negative thinking is not fazed by me lending you a pen for the hundredth time without complaint in itself, maybe what will help you conquer it is verbal affirmation.“ Wakatoshi spoke slowly, piecing together his thoughts as he went, but he seemed sure of himself. Satori kind of got what he was getting at, but he felt more sceptical about this solution.  
„But that's not you. At all.“ he countered. „And I don't want you to be someone you are not. I love our way of communication. We have an understanding.“ Satori might be slightly pouting at this point. Wakatoshi blinked slowly at him, Satori took it as indulgence.  
„I am not talking about changing my character, Satori,“ he paused. There still wasn't any doubt to be found in his demeanour, and it made Satori feel weak in his stomach. „But at a time when you are feeling bad about yourself, it is an option worth considering, to give a little more.. attention to our verbal communication.“  
Satori suspected heavily that Wakatoshi was about to say 'effort' there and worded it differently for his benefit. That was sweet. And a huge effort indeed for Wakatoshi who didn't mince his words, didn't think about their effect, usually. It seemed like Satori had already lost this argument.

„Well, I can't stop you if you want to tell me..“ he loosened his death grip on the pillow to gesture vaguely at Wakatoshi's whole being, „but I have one condition.“  
Wakatoshi snapped to attention immediately and Satori had to hold back a smile and try to look stern. „It has to go both ways. If you get annoyed or tired or need some space - any doubt whatsoever about this course of action - you will tell me as well. No need to spare my feelings. That would be like.. lying. And I would be able to tell!“ Satori widened his eyes and leaned forward into Wakatoshi's space so the other knew he was 100 percent serious and there would be consequences if he caught him out. If Wakatoshi were the kind of guy to roll his eyes, Satori was very certain that he would have at this point. But Wakatoshi just gave him his best expressionless stare, not fazed in the slightest.  
„Deal.“

XXX

The rest of the week passed in a rush. Satori had loads of work to catch up on and was regularly visited at his work place in the library by at least one of his teammates bringing snacks and reminders to take breaks. Satori assured them all that he was fine, that he was catching up on work and taking care of his health, thank you very much.  
Goshiki almost choked up when Satori good naturally ruffled his hair and Satori made a mental note to chide whoever was responsible for his new healthcare squad for being overdramatic and scaring his kouhais. Satori heavily suspected Semi or maybe Reon to be responsible, but he only got sarcastic remarks and fake innocent denials out of them respectively. With the unsubtle help from his team, Satori's food log was not looking too bad, and he didn't have to cut down on training which was a great relief.

Things between him and Wakatoshi were infinetly more relaxed in the way that Satori didn't feel like holding back with his needs anymore, but tense in other ways. He was right in thinking verbal affection was not Wakatoshi's strong suit. To be fair, it wasn't Satori's strongest trait either, considering that he might love to shower his boyfriend in compliments and certainly wasn't shy about his admiration for the other, but he kept his more personal feelings close to the chest. Onlookers might still readily confuse him for one of Wakatoshi's fanboys.. He didn't mind the confusion, he would even concede that in a way he was Wakatoshi's biggest fanboy.. But that wasn't helping their relationship at its current hurdle.

Wakatoshi packed apple slices for Satori at breakfast with the somewhat awkward remark that he felt better knowing Satori had some fruit to sustain him during classes. Satori gave him a smile.  
Later that day he decided that he would join Wakatoshi for his run before training. Usually, Satori liked to lag back with his teammates and take the opportunity to tease Goshiki, who would never be able to keep up with his great role model if he didn't learn to pace himself correctly.. But every so often Satori thought of stoic Wakatoshi alone at the top of Shiratorizawa's volleyball team and joined his freakishly fast tempo. Satori couldn't talk if he wanted to keep up, but he imagined Wakatoshi appreciated his company nontheless.  
How to put this into words however seemed to be another thing entirely. But hell would freeze over before Satori would leave Wakatoshi to figure this mess out on his own.  
„Toshi-kun, I am going to join you today!“ he announced during warm up stretches.  
„Okay,“ came the response. Why was this so difficult?  
„You know, I enjoy time spend by your side.. even if it's.. well. Athletically challenging? Or something,“ Satori trailed of, slightly embarrassed. Maybe he should have thought this through. Wakatoshi gave him a long look and then nodded. Right.  
Satori lowered himself into another stretch knowing that their conversation was over. At least they were in this mess together.

During dinner on Sunday Wakatoshi declared he was proud of Satori for having met his meal goals for an entire week and Satori promptly choked on his rice. On Monday Wakatoshi gave him a pen in class and opened his mouth as if to say something but closed it again without getting a sound out. Satori laughed so hard he almost fell out of his chair. This clumsiness of theirs was utterly ridiculous, but the light dusting of pink across Wakatoshi's cheekbones was a very interesting development indeed.  
„Tooshi-kuuun,“ he singsonged. „Did you think of me when you got ready this morning?“ Satori waggled his eyebrows dramatically.  
Wakatoshi as usual remained unbothered by his dramatics. „I often find myself thinking of you when I leave the dorm in the mornings,“ he replied and caused Satori to blush in his stead.  
„Well, I appreciate you taking care of me.“ Satori mumbled, not able to hold eye contact any longer. He stuck his tongue out, when Wakatoshi shot a pointed look towards his heated cheeks.  
It kind of became a competition to make each other most flustered after that. Satori was loosing by a lot, since firstly his boyfriend didn't show when he was startled, and secondly because Wakatoshi was used to him being expressive and loud in his feelings, while Satori was decidedly not used to Wakatoshi expressing _so much_.

On Wednesday Satori had his appointment with the counsellor and declined all offers of company he received during morning warm-ups. This was a step he had to take by himself, and he was grateful for Wakatoshi's ever easy acceptance of his every decision. Wakatoshi just gave a nod at his declaration and sank into a deep stretch. Semi on the other hand started to protest and was only shushed by Reon who couldn't help but look a little worried himself. Goshiki wasn't far away fidgeting instead of stretching and Shirabu next to him looked ever doubtful but didn't bother to voice his opinion. Satori didn't pay them much mind. He was still staring at Wakatoshi because he couldn't help but think back to their deal. Total transparency. If Wakatoshi had been worried, if he thought Satori might skip the appointment, might be taking on too much and lying about being comfortable going by himself.. Wakatoshi would have said so.  
But he didn't say anything because he trusted Satori.

And wasn't this realization a heady feeling of warmth that spread through his whole body. Satori's blocks that day were extra nasty, his failure rate close to zero. Wakatoshi gave him polite applause like he always did and Satori grinned at him as wide as possible.

XXX

  
By the time all exams were written, all applications were sent off and all try-outs were held, they still had two weeks of perfunctory classes before official graduation. Satori felt a lot better, having managed a steady food intake through the weeks and with the help of his counsellor he got two flexible deadlines for homework that he could just hand in when he was done with it. He had already started on both assignments, so he didn't feel too much pressure. Plus he and Wakatoshi finally had time to do all the things they had put off for so long.  
Mainly, kicking their roommates out alternately for long evenings spend cuddling, reading or just talking quietly about anything and everything – well, mostly Satori talked but Wakatoshi told him he liked to listen, so that was okay.

There was only one thing still bothering Satori, and as anxious as he felt about it, he refused to put if off any longer. He and Wakatoshi needed to have another serious talk. About feelings.  
So the next day after voluntarily joining their kouhais for training (no longer obligatory for the graduating class) Satori suggested to take a walk on the school grounds.  
Wakatoshi readily agreed - he enjoyed checking on the rose bushes that were lining the walking routes connecting different sports facilities – and Satori made a mental note to add the landscaping team to his list of private school services he was going to miss once they left Shiratorizawa. Change really made him emotional.  
When Wakatoshi announced they could probably witness the roses bloom within the next few days with a satisfied quirk to his mouth, Satori took a deep breath. Now that he was here and couldn't help but smile at his adorable boyfriend, it actually wasn't that scary at all.  
„Toshi-kun,“ he started, „I wanted to say thank you.“  
Wakatoshi regarded him earnestly. „I am really grateful for how supportive you have been in the last weeks, especially. And..“ Satori hoped he could manage without a blush this time, he was getting better at that, „your efforts regarding our communication really went a long way...“ Satori took a moment to order his thoughts, Wakatoshi was patient as always. „I might have been more scared about our relationship changing and becoming long distance than I realized. And strengthening our communication has helped a lot with that.“ He smiled at Wakatoshi and received a calm nod in response.  
„It was more challenging than I expected,“ Wakatoshi admitted, „but I am glad that we can work on this together. And I am confident that we can take on future hurdles similarly.“ Wakatoshi's steady voice made him sound like he was giving an obligatory motivational speech (and they had to sit through way too many of those lately) but Satori knew to listen to his words. Knew that Wakatoshi was honestly and earnestly invested in living by his side and approaching any problem they might come across like a challenge. Knew that Wakatoshi would make it his personal goal to take care of Satori - and Wakatoshi was nothing if not strong and good and determined enough to reach any goal of his. _That_ Satori was entirely certain of. Satori laughed brightly and flung himself at Wakatoshi in a full body hug that might as well have ended with them sprawled in a rose bush, if Wakatoshi hadn't caught him securely in his arms and remained steadily on his feet, as he would always do. They would be just fine.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on Twitter @If_ICouldWrite :) !
> 
> Content warning (spoilers):  
> Wakatoshi and Tendou are in a queerplatonic relationship that is quite fluffy and can be read as romantic as well - if you are romance averse or repulsed, please be warned. 
> 
> Contains: anxious&negative thinking, worries, mentions of an eating disorder, mentions of mental health problems, off screen mental health counselling, talking about breaking up, hairpulling as a form of self harm but gets stopped immediately, Satori being sensitive to quiet and enclosed spaces, Wakatoshi having an expressionless face (and mentions of being misunderstood for it)
> 
> If I forgot anything, please let me know!


End file.
